Saturday, 26 February 2011

• Goodbye

  I could have, would have been a good friend to you.  I wanted to be, and I sincerely tried.  I wanted to because I love you to pieces, but the truth is, I don't love you enough to keep feeling like the dirt on the bottom of your shoes.  I don't love you enough to stick around and be subjected to your harsh attitude.  You're a smart girl.  You're very smart, probably smarter than me, but I assure you, you are not wiser than me for a number of obvious reasons.  You're not going to kick me in the face and expect me to suck it up and take it whilst you speak about your own friends and what few concerns you allow yourself to voice.  I'm a nearly 30 year old woman who doesn't have time for childishness.  I'm not a door mat anymore.

  
  

  I'M WORTH MORE THAN THAT.

  
  

  I will never understand why it was best to argue when something you said upset me, rather than offer an apology.  If I counted all the times you've had me crying with me apologizing, well, I'd just shake my head in complete disappointment.  All the little things have added up to a huge pile of nonsense that I cannot wrap my head around.  We might be different, very different, but that's no excuse for the harshness and lack of compassion shown.  It never was, and never will be.  A friend would have rocked my socks off, not someone to make me feel awful time and time again for no good reason.  If I was that awful to you, I sincerely apologize and wish I hadn't done so.

  
  

  Good luck in life, and in love.  I mean that from the bottom of my heart, even if all of this angers and saddens me to no end.  I really do want the best for you.  I want you to have success, true love that surpasses all others, a lot of fun, and honest to goodness happiness.  I want you to have every single thing you desire in life and then some.  I don't hate you.  I couldn't ever hate you, and in spite of all this, I really do think you a good person.  You will always have a special place in my heart, even if I now lack trust in you and cannot bear to even try to talk to you...about anything.  The "big" thing that happened between us has nothing to do with this, I assure you.  It's just that...it's been too much, really.  Too much harshness that I won't ever accept or understand.  I never tried to put words in your mouth, but all the arguing to try to prove your point, and me trying desperately to get you to see mine, just hurts even more.  It especially hurts when I thought you knew me well enough to not make some of the comments you have.  I suppose I was just wrong.  I'm wrong quite often, despite the attitude you think I have.  You're really the only person who thinks that, and you think it because I shared some truths with you, and because I just will not accept the harshness and your arguments of why it's justified.  I know I've brought this up a lot in recent days, but you really have no idea how much what you said hurt me.  You probably never will.  Fair enough, I suppose.

  
  

  You're a beautiful, intelligent, creative individual.  I admire you for all of that, and for doing what you need to do to get ahead in life, even if that can come across as quite harsh as well.  I still believe in you and that you will go very far in your endeavors, but it seems our journey together has reached it's end and probably did a long time ago.  Be good to the people you care for and love, sweetie.  Listen to them if you truly love them, and know when harsh opinions aren't needed.  If they're not being shared to benefit and "help" the person, it's best to bite your tongue, especially when you haven't the first clue as to what that person is going through, and when those opinions can potentially destroy your relationship.  You're a cool person, funny as hell and nice to speak to when that harshness and hardness isn't shown.  You're very lovable and respectable, but life is much more than you're maybe picturing it to be.  It isn't all black and white, and sometimes...people just might say things you're not interested in or that you don't believe in.  That doesn't mean those things aren't hard for the other person, or that their concerns are any less valid.  Just be good to those you love.  Be there for them, as you are able, and don't kick them when you're around.  Take a look at how they've treated you during difficult times and show them the same amount of consideration.

  
  

  You're a good girl...a nice girl.  You just don't know it yet.

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