Friday, 25 February 2011

• Just Rambling

  
  I completely failed at getting up and going for my medical tests this morning.  I woke up on time, for a few seconds, then passed out again until sometime this evening.  It's never a good idea to pop a Remeron when you have shit to do the next day...ever!  I woke up around 11:30PM last night, though, and thought I'd never get back to sleep if I didn't take one.  Big mistake.  I won't be making it again.
  
  I woke up this evening and phoned mom...another mistake.  It went something like this:  "Marsha?  You know that lady I told you about who was on life support because they thought she'd had pneumonia for too long?  LUNG CANCER!  They biopsied her lung and found it, and she doesn't have any time left to live!  You'd better quit smoking!  No, I'm not saying you have lung cancer, Marsha, but...LUNG CANCER!"

  "Mom!  Shut up about cancer!  I don't want to hear anything about that crap!"

  "Well, you'd better quit smoking.  She has less than six months to live."

  Goddamn, man!

  Finally, mom knows that this issue I've been dealing with for nearly a year now isn't anxiety.  She knows something is wrong...now.  If she doesn't shut up, anxiety will be part of it as well, however.  I mean, fucking lung cancer?  Thanks, mother!  Maybe she'll call back in a few to talk about tuberculosis or some such.  She might as well.  I don't think I have something like that, really.  I honestly think it's probably asthma.  For the past two days, I've been using a nebulizer every four hours or so, and my cough is gone, and so is the pain in my right lung.  Asthma seems the most likely candidate, and yeah, I do need to stop smoking like...NOW.  I still don't want to hear shit about fucking cancer, though.  It's the most evil disease in the world.  Once you get it, you're as good as dead.  I've had my issue for nearly a year. I like to think if I had something that serious, my health would have greatly declined within that period of time, but it hasn't.  Besides this lung issue, I'm fantastic.

  I'm going to have to start being more responsible from here on out.  I've been doing pretty good considering I went from being a useless waste of space to a girl who goes to class four days a week, cooks, cleans, etc.  I feel like kicking myself in the ass for having slept through my tests this morning, but really, I should be patting myself on the back.  To have gone from what I once was to being so productive and doing a damn good job of it, I deserve a fucking cookie.  Hell, I deserve the whole goddamn pack!  I'm not going to sit here and feel like shit for my little screw up.  Instead, I'm going to look at it this way....

  Not going for my tests this morning means I'm saving gas for my classes next week.  If I had gone for my tests and they found something wrong, I wouldn't have had the cash for the medication, so next week will be a better time for that as well.  It's all good!  I needed to miss those tests!

  See?  Good thing I overslept.  :)

   

  • 5:39 PM
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