It's been an okay life.  I won't be falling in love and having that magical wedding I've planned every detail of, but it was amazing to dream about.  I won't graduate from college with my much desired degree, nor will I ever make it off of this mountain.  I won't have any children.  I won't make it to Ireland.  Thirty years are gone by, but not another shall pass.  Why?  The end.  The end is coming, but first...

the rapture!!!!!

Listen up, folks.  This coming weekend, people are going to vanish.  If you're not ready for Christ's biblically scheduled Saturday return, don't be one bit surprised if you come home from your sinful visit to the bar to find family members gone for good.  Immediately after Christ raptures the church on May 21st at 6:00PM, chaos will ensue. You can expect to hear of accidents on every roadway being traveled in the world.  Sinners who miss their chance will be screaming like lunatics, stealing and murdering.  The Antichrist will rise to power in midst of this chaos, bring about order and peace, and then in October, God will destroy this world.  I realize there's supposed to be seven years of tribulation or some such, but hey, an engineer has figured all of this shit out by taking various dates and numbers from the bible (and not), done some brilliant fucking math, and has let the rest of the world in on this ever so vital piece of information that only he had the sense to figure out.  By the way, a ginormous earthquake will begin in New Zealand at 6:00PM, their time, and spread all over the world.  Look forward to that as well.  You can read an article about this impending doom here.

Shouldn't we be doing people like this guy a favor by forcing them into psychiatric hospitals where they can get the therapy and anti-psychotic medication they need? Apparently, back in 1994, he also predicted the rapture.  What's really amazing is that quite a few people believed him, gathered together at some memorial all dressed up, held open bibles and looked up toward the heavens.  When nothing happened, oops!  He'd miscalculated.  Of course.  This time, he's certain of his calculations!  Bless his neurotic heart.  I truly hate it when the mentally ill aren't getting the treatment they need.

Harold Camping is nuts, plain and simple.  Even if I were a Christian I wouldn't put any faith in him.  He's just the most recent religious lunatic to burst onto the scene with doom and gloom warnings.  Once the date and time passes, I'm sure he will once again regretfully inform his followers that he done his math wrong, after which he will return to figuring.  He really needs to hurry if he wants to let us know when the end is, though.  I mean, dude is old.

Do any of you actually believe in his claims?  Why or why not?

Maybe if the rapture occurs on Saturday there will be so much disruption and chaos that I won't have to pay my electric bill this month.  I'd hate to live without electricity, even if for only the five months Camping claims we'll see after Christ comes as a thief in the night...before he destroys the world, I mean.  If I only have a few months left to live, this chick is going to have as much pleasure as possible before it's lights out then fiery flames.  I'm also going to steal a Bentley and drive around like I'm the shit. I'm not leaving till I have some real fun.

Night before last, I found that all but one of my grades were posted online in my student self services area of the college's website.  I was shocked!  Despite me slacking something awful, I have an A and two B's so far.  I suspect the missing grade will be an A or B.  For now, without that grade, I have a GPA of 3.3.  I have survived my first full semester and done pretty well!  I expected a C in Psychology, but thankfully, I was wrong.  I done poorly on a few of the exams because I simply didn't study the material for a second (actually, I rarely studied any of it), but all the extra credit lab work must have paid off.  For that, I had straight A's.  For Stupid Class, I literally logged into the labs the day after class was already over for the term and answered all the questions without using the book.  On some of them, I honestly wrote some crazy nonsense.  For instance, here's an example of one question and my answer:

Q: Julie has terrible test anxiety that has caused her to fail most of her classes so far.   When there is a test, she becomes nauseous and so anxious, she sometimes passes out.  What advice would you give to Julie to help her overcome this problem so that she can do well in her classes?

A: Julie has a serious problem that requires immediate medical attention.  No piece of advice I could give her, other than seeing a doctor, would be beneficial to her in the least.  I'm not sure what the book says I should tell Julie, but I suspect she needs medication to control this problem.

Another...

Q: According to the information in the chapter, what kind of student are you?  What things can you do to improve as a student?

A: I suck because I haven't read any of that book.  What kind of student am I according to the book?  Well, I've no idea.  To improve as a student, I could stop procrastinating immediately so that I don't find myself in these situations where I have to make up an entire semester's worth of work in one night.  That would be very beneficial, I suspect.  Anyway, sorry!

I done all the work this way for that class!  It worked.  Hells yeah!  One thing is for sure, though, and that is that I must shape up for the coming summer session.  I'm pretty sure procrastinating and being a slacker won't work for very long.  It'll bite me in the ass.  Maybe if I had not slacked, I'd have straight A's for the semester.  :S  Oh well.

Either way, I'm content. 

Warning:  I'm just rambling here, so it'll undoubtedly be boring.

The past few days, weeks even, have been somewhat miserable.  Good things happened.  I went to An Evening with Poets to recite my work and get extra copies of the literary publication Autumn Rain is featured in.  I was an absolute nervous wreck as I stood at the podium, speaking pieces of my heart and soul into the microphone before a crowded library of about 160+ people, but I survived it despite shaking from the inside out.  Actually, I think I nearly died.  Overall, it was still a great experience.  I had the pleasure of hearing some other poets share their work, some humorous and others very solemn but beautiful.  It was a good day.  There have been good days, but the bad days are starting to pile up to an overwhelming height.  They're rising into mountains of deadlines and concerns.  There have been days put off, missed, or simply forgotten.  Now those things undone are back to haunt me.  "Knock!  Knock!  Remember us?  We're due...tomorrow!"  I am losing my sense of time, thus my overall ability to function is going down the drain.  Usually, I have to keep going, going, going!  If I stop to rest, and god forbid, fall asleep, I'm out.  I've completely screwed up and won't awake until I've missed everything I had to do for the day. Three, four, or even five alarms won't affect me.  I'm not even sure what happens to them sometimes.  I just suddenly awake, look at the clock, and my heart sinks.  Another fucking day I fully sucked at.

Today is going to be a busy one.  I have finals to take as well as one other exam, overdue work to turn in, and two class schedules to change for summer and fall.  It's amazing how much work I had to complete that I kept putting off, but I've managed to get nearly all of it finished tonight and will surely meet tomorrow's deadline with psychology class.  I can do it.  I've done it.  The final in algebra is over geometry, the last chapter covered in the book, so I think I can handle that.  If I can score well on one other test besides that one, I'm good.  I've made it to the finish line.  I should be ready to dive into summer classes having passed the spring term with decent grades. They won't be the grades I had hoped for, but they'll be fine.  English is a definite A.  Stupid Class should amount to a B, at the very least. Algebra, a C or B.  Psychology, C or B.  That's passing, but guess what it means?  It means I SUCKED!  Overall, I give myself an F for the semester.  I failed.  What I could have achieved, I won't come out even close to.  I have procrastinated and let exhaustion ruin any hopes of that.  Game over!  I'm in survival mode now.

I have to change my summer classes so that all of them end around the same time.  If I do that, I can have about a month off before fall term.  I have to have time off!  I need to go somewhere as long as I'm not here.  I'm beginning to go crazy.  I worry too much about everything.  If it isn't perfect, it sucks.  It's counter-productive.  That causes a lot of stress and leads to other problems.  It's my whole problem...worry, anxiety, blah fucking blah.  It must end.  I have to change it.

Anyway, back to work.  I still have a few hours left until I begin the chaotic day.

I just had a talk with God here.  I asked for $10,000.00 and he said that was too much, but that he hoped I got it.  He also said I was rude when I told him he sucked.  :)

Tennessee has passed a law making the words, "gay," and, "homosexual," illegal to say in its schools, not to mention speaking of it, period. The vote went through at 6-3, the three opposing votes coming from democrats.  Here is the article.

So what do you think?  Will this bill be allowed to stand?  I say, no way.  It's in conflict with the Constitution, which of course, is its biggest problem.  One could argue that this will benefit kids who are bullied due to sexual preference or just the thought of others that they are gay, but hey, that argument really is bullshit.  Overall, this is a bad thing.  It's just another attempt to bring further progress towards equality to a halt (in Tennessee) and further alienate us from the rest of society.  Pathetic.

What say you?